A fine romance, with no kisses
A fine romance, my friend, this is
We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes
A fine romance, you won't nestle
A fine romance, you won't wrestle
I might as well play bridge with my old maid aunts
I haven't got a chance
This is a fine romance
Is a fine romance, with no kisses
A fine romance, my friend, this is
We two should be like clams in a dish of chowder
But we just fizz like parts of a Seidlitz powder
Is a fine romance, with no clinches
A fine romance, with no pinches
You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France
I haven't got a chance
This is a fine romance
A fine romance, my good fellow
You take romance, and I'll take Jello
You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean
At least they flap their fins to express emotion
A fine romance with no quarrels
With no insults and all morals
I've never mussed the crease in your blue serge pants
I never get the chance
This is a fine romance
Is a fine romance, my dear judges
Two old fogies who need crutches
True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has
Oh we don't have the thrills that the march of time has
Fine romance, my good woman
My strong aged in the wood, woman
You never give the orchids I sent a glance
No, you like cactus plants, ahah
This is a fine romance
A fine romance, my dear duchess
Two old fogies who need crutches
True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has
You know, Louie, we don't have half the thrills
That the march of time has
You're telling me fine romance, my very good woman
My strong aged in the wood woman
You never give the orchids I sent a glance
No, i prefer cactus plants
This is a fine romance